My dick is so big that you may not speak to it unless spoken to first.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#64. My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that the bank threatens to foreclose if I miss a single payment.

My dick is so big that I use it to surf the big waves.

My dick is so big that although it's uptight, nobody calls it anal.

My dick is so big that it doesn't have to call ahead for reservations. Even today.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#100. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that most people believe it took steroids.

My dick is so big that it donates both time and money to charity, but not just for the tax deduction.

My dick is so big that it promises to create jobs.

My dick is so big that it'll attack if you make eye-contact.

My dick is so big that buddhists can no longer explain nothingness.

My dick is so big that my foreskin is often confused for a burkha.

My dick is so big that theologians don't believe it was created, it just is.

My dick is so big that it has backup singers.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#99. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it's an impediment to middle east peace talks.

My dick is so big that the fire marshall limits its occupancy.

Merry Christmas

My dick is so big that I string lights and hang tinsel on it for the holidays.

(plus, I wrap presents and place them around the balls)

My dick is so big that you can retire early if you just recruit two friends, each of whom in turn recruit two friends...

My dick is so big that it's only open to accredited investors.

My dick is so big that even direct deposit takes 7-10 working days.

My dick is so big that it has offshore accounts.

My dick is so big that it maxes out its 401(k).

My dick is so big that a team of surveyors annually revise its acreage.

(NOTE: GPS is only accurate to within 3 meters and therefore insufficient for this purpose.)

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it's no longer allowed to compete as an amateur.

My dick is so big that historians estimate it took 100,000 slave workers over 20 years to build it.

My dick is so big that it genuinely cares about the less fortunate.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it's required to conduct evacuation drills.

My dick is so big that it affects the tides.

My dick is so big that it still receives sunlight at night.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#28. My dick is so big it hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it has an opt-out mailing list.

My dick is so big that you have to dial 9 to get an outside line.

My dick is so big that even the NRA agrees it should be closely regulated.

(But my dick doesn't kill people. People kill people.)

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#9. My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it's on the no-fly list.

My dick is so big that wildcatters use it to drill for oil.

My dick is so big that Amazon.com's #1 best seller is My Dick for Dummies.

(#2 is O'Reilly's My Dick in a Nutshell)

My dick is so big that it has an open-source API.

My dick is so big that it regularly releases updates to its firmware.

My dick is so big that it requires an adaptor to use it with most interfaces.

My dick is so big that it only runs on Unix.

(and it runs Doom!)

My dick is so big that the Astros needed a ballpark with a retractable roof, just in case.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#57. My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that Congress is called to testify in front of IT.

My dick is so big that it has a 1-800 support line.

My dick is so big that it runs on 220V.

220, 221. Whatever it takes.

My dick is so big that it needs a parachute to go limp.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY

#2. My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and argue with the doorman.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that it's on a 3,000 calorie diet.

My dick is so big that it looks blurry unless you stand WAYY back.

My dick is so big that its proprietary formula is a closely guarded secret.

My dick is so big that it has to take the service elevator. By itself.

DREW CAREY WEDNESDAY!

#90. My dick is so big, it can chew gum.

(Drew Carey)

My dick is so big that the Japanese refused to sign a treaty outlawing its slaughter.

My dick is so big that it's got meetings scheduled all day.

(Submitted by badbeth)

My dick is so big that Dale Jr. in the #8 Chevrolet Budweiser car can draft behind it.

Praise the tiny baby Jesus.

My dick is so big that a sunroof isn't an option, it's required.

My dick is so big that the state requires it display license plates and undergo emissions testing yearly.

My dick is so big that it beeps when I pull out.

My dick is so big that I'm required to carry minimum liability collision insurance.

(Note: I also have comprehensive.)

My dick is so big that it can afford to ignore the polls.

My dick is so big that it has protective heat tiles to avoid burning up on re-entry.

My dick is so big that, every year, 8-10 people die from high altitude sickness attempting to climb it.

My dick is so big that the iPhone gets poor reception near it.

My dick is so big that it was nearly hunted to extinction for its valuable and highly prized ivory.

My dick is so big that it sees a chiropractor for its bad back.

My dick is so big that its worship is the 2nd fastest growing religion on the planet.

(But it's intolerant of worshipping other dicks.)

My dick is so big that it was the #1 draft pick for the Falcons in 2001 and then it was convicted of running an illegal dog-fighting ring.

My dick is so big that it dropped out of college but people still think it's an expert because it is a documentary filmmaker.

My dick is so big that FedEx has to deliver it in separate shipments.

(PS: UPS sucks!)

My dick is so big that the World Bank uses it to secure loans to 3rd world countries.

My dick is so big that it taps it's OWN foot under the stall. But it isn't gay!

My dick is so big that liberals want to blame global warming on it.

My dick is so big that the Russians nearly walked out of disarmament talks with it.

My dick is so big that it's often mistaken for the senior senator from New York.

My dick is so big that Republicans put it in the White House. Twice.

My dick is so big that the IRS flags it for audit every. damn. year.

My dick is so big that the architects had to pay particular attention to the load-bearing balls.

My dick is so big that it's a Category 6 on the Saffir-Simpson scale.

My dick is so big that by the time you paint the tip it's time to start over again at the balls.

My dick is so big that it gets 5 o'clock shadow.

My dick is so big that its doctor is worried about its heart.

My dick is so big that the original title for Samuel L. Jackson's film was 'My Dick on a Plane.'

"Enough is enough! I have had it with this motherfucking dick on this motherfucking plane!"

My dick is so big that the only option is the turbo diesel. Hemi.